Teetering on the edge of a breakdown, I clench my jaw and attempt to breathe deep.
But my head starts to throb and my chest starts to heave
As my guts slowly spill out of me; my body is beyond my control.
Rationality and insanity separated by a blurred line,
Like my vision whenever you stand on the periphery of my sight.
Your thick smoke punches a hole in my lungs, but they don’t exist
Any more than they do in my head when you erase them with your kiss.
There’s burning pain and discomfort from holding on to you when my palms are slick with sweat and dirt
But when the line fades completely and insanity has taken over, I allow myself to hold on to the hurt.
Because it’s all you ever taught me, don’t give in to the pain
Let myself absorb it, let the calluses remain
So as I stand on the brink of my black hole,
I unclench my jaw and swallow my breath.
There’s no point in standing still when you were all I had left.
Cover image by cottonbrostudio / Pexels. The copyright of ‘Pause… Then Let Go’ belongs to Gab Jopillo.