Vladimir: Well? Shall we go?

Estragon: Yes, let’s go.

(They do not move)

How well does Beckett’s above dialogue capture the reality (and irony) of being stuck at home under a Movement Control Order? Very well if you ask me. Now imagine this, our current situation has me referring to Absurdist literature to find relatable quotes, yikes!

Of course, I will not ignore what stopped Estragon and Vladimir from moving was more philosophical and existential in nature, rather than a mundane government-ordered lockdown. Nevertheless, in unprecedented times we look for relatability wherever we can find it.

Let me be straight, this is not an article filled with rainbows and sunshine about how I thrived during the lockdown. If that is what you are looking for this might not be your cup of chai latte. On the contrary, this is a story of survival, not success. If Bukowski’s legacy has taught me anything, it is that brutal honesty is of utmost importance. This piece is for those of you out there who barely made it through, who struggled to maintain sanity. I am here to tell you, give yourself a pat on the back, you deserve it. If you did not stick your head in an oven, that is enough (no disrespect intended to Sylvia Plath).

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A fish out of water 

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I grew up as an only child with working parents and so I am used to not having family around me all the time. But as a practicing Sikh unable to join my congregation during this lockdown, I felt like a fish out of water.  As a consolation, I was fortunate to find solace in-between the pages of a book. In the end, words are truly an inexhaustible source of magic. I believe all my fellow readers out there were thankful for something that could keep us grounded in times of acute uncertainty. I know for sure Hogwarts will always be there to offer me refuge in troubled times.

This period sparked a newfound appreciation for things lost. Physical contact with loved ones and friends, being able to stop and smell the roses, enjoying a cup of tea in a cozy café, and walking aimlessly through a mall (a Malaysian favorite). I experienced desperation for the things conveniently taken for granted. The sky, trees, and open spaces suddenly became such luxuries simply because we no longer had freedom.

I grappled with gratitude and sadness. Gratitude because I was aware of how lucky I was to have a roof over my head and food on the table during this trying time. But also, sadness because I was disconnected from my friends and from the activities I loved. Yes, contrary to popular belief, we millennials need more than an internet connection to be happy.

In retrospect, I believe it will take months for us to fathom the full impact on mental health brought on by such isolation. With nothing but time on your hands, the mind tends to wander.  A mix of idleness, loneliness, and isolation is a dangerous cocktail making easy prey for the Noonday Demon. However, fortunately for me, I was thankful for the distraction of having to prepare for upcoming exams. Blimey! There is something I never thought I would say.

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A different set of challenges

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Nowadays, we young people spend our time contemplating the ‘new normal’. Something we must adapt to if we are to successfully carve out our place in the world in the coming years. I envy those who have already made their mark. All they do now is sit back with their comfy retirement fund and judge the next generation to be lazy and fragile. It would be worth mentioning that much of what we are facing today is a direct result of mismanagement of the world by our previous generation. But let’s not start a rant right now.

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Yes, my generation did not go through war or colonialism, but we face different challenges.

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The existence of social media presents its own pressure. The sense of competition has increased one hundredfold. Everything is magnified and scrutinized on social media by our contemporaries. This is added to the stress of our parents’ generation breathing down our necks. Just remember how social media ‘influencers’ paraded their productivity during this period. Apparently, they learned to speak new languages, got into shape, completed The Collected Tolstoy, and achieved Gordon Ramsey status in the kitchen. Let me take a pause here so we normal people can catch our breath.

On a national level, while other countries remained vigilant and observant (conspiracy theories notwithstanding) in their attempt to quell the spread of the virus; our leaders were busy trying to take power by making backroom deals like thieves in the night. Here is another way our freedom was taken away from us. Our democratic right to elect our government snatched from under our noses. My disappointment is inexpressible. So, what do we do? Who can we vote for in the next election? Honestly, the lamppost on my street corner is looking quite decent right now. Even if it does not do a good job at least I know it will stand with integrity.

Furthermore, it was frustrating to witness the blatant double-standards we Malaysians are unfortunately all too familiar with. Politicians casually flaunting the SOP while ordinary hardworking citizens were hauled off to jail for minor breaches. A further testament to the different standards of freedom afforded to politicians.  Even watching the news was anxiety triggering for me. Fortunately, I realized we have the freedom to choose the media we consume. Risking ignorance, I made the decision to maintain my mental health; to stop sitting at the edge of my seat every evening waiting for the wretched number of new infections to be announced.

Professionally, as a teacher, I witnessed a massive transfer of teaching and learning to an online platform. I am old-fashioned. I believe in the human touch of teaching. Physical proximity and the importance of eye contact go a long way in getting to know and developing a students’ learning style. Now, most of my time tutoring is just me hoping the Wi-Fi signal stays stable. From an economic aspect, it is inconceivable how in such a short time we millennials have been relegated to taking any work we can get instead of reveling in the freedom to pursue our passion to change the world.

Jean-Paul Sartre once said that it is only when we are stopped from doing something, do we realize the true nature and extent of our freedom. Considering this, let us take the opportunity to rethink what freedom means to us? Oh, sweet freedom…

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The views expressed in this article are the author’s own and do not necessarily reflect those of the Eksentrika. Cover image by Anthony Tran on Unsplash.